Sober
by KateLilly
Summary: Post: Island OneShot Kate exlains to Jack why she ran after she kissed him. R&R!


**A/N: Okay…. I heard this song on the radio and knew it was one of the many songs that describe Kate and her feelings about herself. Based after What Kate Did and many other times she ran. The story that her mother use to tell Kate is my story that I tell to the kids I baby sit so PLEASE do not steal my ideas! This song is by Tool and its name is Sober. Please Read and Review! Kate**

She ran. She ran from the kiss, from the memories, from the thoughts, from the feelings, but mostly from herself as she ran deep into the jungle that was so dark in the night that everything looked burned to the darkest shade of black.

The jungle was enchanting and scary like some of the dark forest surrounding castles that her mother told her of when she was a small girl and when her mother would spend time with her while daddy was in the army.

The only thing that would calm her down from her nightmares of her dad being killed in the wars was a story of a princess named Katherine and a prince names Jackson. She would tell her of a war in Camelot and a fairy princess riding the wings of a butterfly in Sharcare, the enchanted lands of Penelope. She would then tell at the end of the long story of the wedding of princess Katherine and Prince Jackson. And then at the end when Kate was mostly asleep her mother would say, and they lived happily ever after.

Kate wished that her life was as perfect as a fairy tale and Katherine. But when she heard the name Jack she remembered that story, the name Jackson. Jack. The one in the story that she had married. How did her mother know that he was the one she would love and still did love.

But he didn't know that because she ran from him. She ran from her feelings, from her thoughts, from herself.

From all of the memories that that one kiss brought back. She never could have thought that one kiss could do that. But of course, that's the power of Jack. The hero. The one she loved, no matter how much she wanted to deny it.

She wanted to deny it because she would always hurt the ones she loved, whether it be brother sister, father daughter, mother daughter relationships or it be true love relationships. She would always hurt someone, some way or another.

**There's a shadow just behind me,  
shrouding every step I take,  
making every promise empty,  
pointing every finger at me.  
Waiting like a stalking butler,  
who upon the finger rests?  
Murder now the path called must we,  
just because the son has come.  
**

Kate ran still further, thoughts running through her mind, her legs numbing as she ran farther, though her legs wanted to protest, she wouldn't let them. Rain poured down over her skin, making her clothes stick to her already wet skin and making her loose hair stick to her back and forehead.

She was to over whelmed in thought to notice the rain and the thunder, the wind and the lightning, the black smoke moving around and the whispers whispering things she had heard in her life. She didn't notice any of it, nothing at all. Until she tripped, being ripped from her thoughts as they ran further on.

She looked up seeing the black smoke pass by her quietly without looking back. Wow, she was lucky. That thing could have seen her anytime and attacked her, but instead with her fear hiding her underneath a blanket she was safe.

She stood up and began running again, not wanting to be caught by the smoke of mystery. She was hiding underneath thoughts that quilted together when fear came along.

It reminded her of a quilt her mother had made for her, and she had helped her slightly, when she was about three and when she would hide under it at night when Wayne came home at night and she would listen to him hitting her mother, raping her, forcing her to have sex with him.

And when she worked late at the diner, Kate would stay in her room, in her large closet, listening to him stumble around, drunk and break things like the family photo of her mom, her dad, and her, all smiling and happy. He had burned that photo, the last displayed photo of the once happy family she knew before Wayne came into the picture.

So she had made a scrap book, hiding it in her closet in the crawl space that was hidden behind her clothes. She didn't want him to find it and burn that to. It would have wrecked her, knowing that the last of her happy memories was gone.

**Jesus, won't you whistle,  
something but the past and done?**

**Jesus, won't you whistle,  
something but the past and done?  
Why can't we not be sober?  
Just want to start this over.  
Why can't we drink forever?  
I just want to start things over.  
**

Kate ran even faster now, understanding now that her memories were the ones that were chasing her. Until she actually heard someone running behind her. She looked back seeing a black figure chasing after her and so she ran even faster then she could have thought imaginable.

She ran though the figure got closer by the minute. She was underneath her quilted fear, crying with the rain as she ran from memory. But then she tripped over a root, making her fall to the dirty ground, making her wet clothes, cover in mud.

She got up, trying to run but the person grabbed her by the waist, tackling her to the ground.

The person pinned her to the ground roughly, causing scratch marks on her back and arms.

"Let me go!" she screamed into the world.

She cried now turning her head to the side, afraid of who it might be.

"Kate?" asked the Iraqi accent.

She cried even more, some happy tears and some sad and upset tears as he got up.

"I'm sorry that I scared you," he said trying to help her up, though her legs protested and made her collapse to her knees, sobbing hysterically.

"Kate?" he asked, concern etched onto his face and attached to his voice.

She just continued to sob, not wanting to stop these bottled up emotions from flowing down the drain in the street.

"Kate?" he said. This time it was louder, not sure what was going on with her. Had he hurt her? He wasn't sure.

**  
I am just a worthless liar.  
I am just an imbecile.  
I will only complicate you.  
Trust in me and fall as well.  
I will find a center in you.  
I will chew it up and leave,  
I will work to elevate you,  
just enough to bring you down.  
**

"Jack!" yelled the voice of Sayid, his voice sounding concern.

"Jack!" he yelled again.

"Yeah Sayid?" asked Jack turning around, only for his eyes to go wide with terror.

In Sayid's arms was the unconscious figure of Kate. The woman he had kissed not to long ago, just yesterday. The one he longed to tell all of his secrets to and to tell all of his fantasies.

The one he loved truly, no matter how much he wanted to ignore her and pretend she didn't exist.

"What happened?" he asked getting up immediately, guiding Sayid over to the bed next to the cart full of medicine.

"I don't know for sure. I was chasing her because it was dark and raining and I wasn't sure who it was and I tackled her and saw who it was, getting up immediately and I tried to help her up but she just collapsed to her knees, crying. Then after a while she passed out," said Sayid laying her down gently on the cushions.

Jack got a bottle of water and a cloth and got it wet, dabbing it on her head to wake her up.

"Kate?" he asked.

He wanted to make sure that she was okay.

Tears were still on her cheeks, making their way down the sides of her face and tears came from the corners of her eyes.

He had only seen her cry a few times. And he hated to see her like this.

"Kate, it's time to wake up now," he said.

Her face was deathly pale but she started to move her head around and closing her eyes tightly as if having a nightmare.

She was mumbling, starting to wake up, her eyes fluttering open.

And then she sat up scrambling to back away from the figures above her.

"Kate," it's okay," said Jack moving closer to her.

She began to cry again, but tried to hide the fact that her emotions were over whelming her with memories that she'd rather forget or memories that she had blocked out for the longest of time.

"Kate, it's okay," he said.

He didn't want to get to close to her because he knew that he still didn't trust her to stay still with him and not run away.

**Mother Mary won't you whisper,  
something but what's past and done.**

**Mother Mary won't you whisper,  
something but what's past and done.  
**

Kate's thoughts ran to how she wanted to tell him. Tell him everything. Everything about her past and about what she did and about what she feared and about what she hated and about what she loved and what her secret passions were and about what she desired most. But she knew that he wouldn't listen.

Unless she got him to,

She continued to cry, harder and harder until finally Sayid got up and left after Jack asked him to.

She felt Jack move closer to her, and she knew everyone was asleep.

It was deep in the night. She could just tell.

"Kate," he whispered in her ear.

"I want to tell you," she whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

"Tell me what?" he asked questioningly.

"Everything," she whispered after hesitating.

"Everything I've wanted to tell you," she said.

"And how much is that?" he asked.

She waited a moment before answering.

"Everything," she said.

She told him all about her past, what she did, why she did it and for once he understood. He hugged her tightly, feeling her sobs against his chest.

**Why can we not be sober?  
I just want to start this over.  
Why can't we sleep forever?  
I just want to start this over. **

I am just a worthless liar.  
I am just an imbecile.  
I will only complicate you.  
Trust in me and fall as well.  
I will find a center in you.  
I will chew it up and leave

**Trust Me.**

**Trust Me.**

**Trust Me.**

**Trust Me.**

**Trust Me.**

She pulled back and looked him in the eyes. There was one more thing she had to tell him before she was done.

"I ran because I hurt everyone I love," she whispered.

"What?" he asked looking confused.

"I ran after I kissed you… because I hurt everyone I love. No matter who it is," she said. "I didn't want to hurt you."

He looked at her, confused yet happy that she told him. She had just given him a reason to stay.

"The last song I heard before I got caught was one that described me perfectly. I was switching the channels of the radio in my car and I heard the song begin and I listened and I broke down crying. It was so true," she said.

"The lines that got me most were 'I amjust a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile. I will only complicate you. Trust in me and fall as well. I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave, I will work to elevate you, just enough to bring you down.' I couldn't get that stupid song out of my head. It just plays over and over in my head when ever I try to get close to anyone."

"That's why I ran. I heard that song banging in my ears, the lyrics running in my mind. I knew that was what I was and what I would do. I could help but run. That's why I ran. Instinct and habit as well," she said.**  
**

**  
Why can't we not be sober?  
I just want to start things over.  
Why can't we sleep forever?  
I just want to start this over. **

I want, what I want.

**I want, what I want.**

**I want, what I want.**

**I want, what I want.**

**I want, what I want.**

"Kate. Those lyrics might be true to you. But the whole time you were telling me your past I only saw a wonderful woman who I love and want to be with my entire life. Not a worthless liar or an imbecile. I love you Kate," said Jack hugging her.

Kate hugged him back tightly, never wanting to let go.

They moved away from each other, their faces close to each other, and then their lips caught each other's in a fiery kiss, and explosion happening between them.

All of her walls were destroyed and down when it comes to him. But when it comes to someone else, they were back up and on guard. He was the only one that could leave her sober. And she knew it.

**A/N: Okay…. That was probably my longest fiction ever. Seven pages people! Seven pages! I am amazed at myself. I just got so into it. I know it's a bit cheesy at parts but I love it. Please review! Kate**


End file.
